CAN I HIT IT IN THE MORNING?!
Before we proceed any further, I’m sure you like the millions of others reading this article (yeah I said it – MILLIONS!) are wondering: why did David L. name this particular article “Can I Hit It In The Morning?!” And more importantly – what exactly is “IT?!” Unlike my cover story with Zab Judah from Urban Grapevine’s classic last issue, I decided to venture off in a different direction and give everyone my perspective on what it takes to earn another “shot” at “IT!” For anyone still living in the 19th century, “IT” refers to whether a man is deemed worthy of a second date and/or “booty call” and for all you females, it refers to whether or not you are deemed acceptable in your potential mate’s eyes on getting that much-desired return phone call. For added measure and to convey validity into my inconsequential rhetoric, I am including 2 case scenarios (1 male & 1 female) to illustrate whether or not the below individuals can indeed hit “IT” again in the future. My below case scenarios have been randomly selected by two Facebook individuals (one male, one female to convey unbiased fairness) who left me inbox messages on why they were unable to “HIT IT” again from a potential mate. It’s about to get interesting to say the least. Read on…
Case Scenario # 1:
What up David L. Thanks for making me one of your choices for the article you are writing. I had this “dime piece” sweat me for about a year and a half at this customer service job we both had out in the city (NYC). I mean, she would bring me leftovers from home so I didn’t have to spend my hard earned money on lunch; she stayed lacing me with little gifts from time to time, and on occasion, hooked me up with a free ride home with her metro card whenever her husband picked her up from work. To make a long story short, we eventually “hooked up” one weekend about four months ago. Her and her spouse has a time share or something out in Long Island so I “creeped through” to the spot with her one weekend while her husband was out of town on some business trip or whatever. We had it planned out to perfection. The day before, I called out from work so I could prepare accordingly for the weekend. I purchased a couple bottles of white Zinfandel Moscato (her favorite), and a bottle of Hennessey for myself. I got myself a fresh shape-up (haircut), mani-pedi, and purchased a few of them “pills” (stuff to keep you erect) so I could “smash” (hit it) all weekend long. Now unless I’m missing something, the weekend went as expected and we had a great time. I “smashed” at least a good dozen times that weekend. While we were there, I took her on a horse & carriage ride, took her to some club to go dancing, and spent about $90 at some swanky restaurant near where we stayed at. We went our separate ways Sunday evening and when I saw her again the next morning at work; it was as if I was the elephant man! No more special treatment, no phone calls to see what I was doing for lunch. Nada! Matter of fact, I haven’t gotten the occasional metro card that I’ve grown to love before our little “rendezvous”! I wanna think I handled my business in the bedroom. Explain that for me homey.
Mark G., Queens, NY
First of all my dude: what the hell is a “mani-pedi”??!! Is that short for manicure/pedicure?! I don’t know any man that would willingly admit to that in the first place! It’s not that you went out and got one, it’s just you could’ve left that out. I didn’t need to read about that bro! You are really making me think you bite pillows right about now so let’s just gloss over this minor indiscretion and move on to the next subject at hand… this is a classic case of “Boomerang” (from the Eddie Murphy movie. For those of you who never saw it – go out and rent it now!) Yo dog – she is married! Why are you “wifeing” this broad up with horse & carriage rides when that is clearly her husband’s job (who for the record was probably “smashing” his own “shortie” somewhere instead of being on some alleged business trip!) Another thing that stands out in your letter is the fact that you think she owes you something the day after! My dude – men have been treating women like this for centuries! So now your feelings are hurt because you got the “okey doke” (got played)? You said you hit it about a dozen times that weekend – right! So it’s another notch in your belt. And for an added bonus, she is already wifed up, so you don’t have to worry about her catching any feelings (although something tells me you might have!) Something also tells me she did the “okey doke” on her husband ‘cause she knows he is a cheatin’ bastard and she figured she would get herself some busta (clown) and unfortunately, that busta ended up being you! All in all… a win is a win (Guy code!)
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Case Scenario # 2:
Hey David L., thanks for hearing me out on this. I hooked up with this sorry a** dog that I met in a club back in June of this year. He pursued me for most of the night, asking me if I wanted to dance on at least 3 separate occasions before I gave in to his requests. I was with my road dawg (homegirl) and he was with one of his boys. He wasn’t someone I would normally talk to because I felt he was too short for my tastes. And to top it off – he had on one of the loudest (colorful) suits I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m more of a simple chick. Blue jeans and wife beater type of guy. This he definitely was not. The club thing was cool and after the dance I promised him, we parted ways, but not before he asked me for my phone number. Miraculously, I gave it to him. I think it was the alcohol talking! Either way, he called me the next morning to make sure I got in safely and we arranged to see each other the following weekend. He showed up to my brownstone early and we ended up going to the movies, followed by dinner and a club out in Harlem. He was definitely a charmer and before I know it, we were back at my place kissing and feeling one another up. Within moments, we ended up having sex in my living room. I was hesitant at first, but I didn’t have any good sex in a long time so against my better judgment, we got down to business). I never heard from him again! And this was over two months ago!! I never saved his number so I can’t even call him to see what happened or if it was something that I did or said that offended him. Do you think I did something wrong? Or am I just an unfortunate victim of the ol’ “hit and run” that you guys live for? Talk to me.
Lashonda S., Brooklyn, NY
I will begin from your last question and work my way backwards… YES – you were a victim of the “ol hit and run”! But you are incorrect in your assessment of “us guy’s” living for it. In your statement, you’ve already generalized every man on the planet and that is straight up unfair (although saying most men would be a better response that I couldn’t argue with!) The only “wrong” thing you did was mis-judge his relentlessness. You began by stating that “he pursued me for the majority of the night”. That alone tells me that he is a predator who will not stop until he gets what he wants (an admirable trait I must say). The “loudness” in his suit tells me he likes attention and secondly, may be overcompensating for something. Either that or he comes from the south! You reference him in being short so I’m inclined to believe my first statement about him overcompensating for something is more applicable here. I’m also going out on a limb by stating you probably gave up the a** waaay too soon. I mean milk lasts longer in the fridge than the time it took for you to drop your drawers! Not that there is anything wrong with waiting, but sometimes it can work against you (like in this case). Yes – it is a double standard, but it’s one that is still alive and well. You stating you never saved his phone number leads me to believe you weren’t all that serious anyway. And I wish y’all women would stop using liquor as a mask towards your promiscuity. You wanted some a** and you got yourself some… so live with your decision and move on ya little tramp (just kidding!) P.S.: and stop referencing men as sorry a** dogs. Cause guess what: you slept with one – so what does that make you? Ever hear the ol’ saying of you are what you eat… well you are also unfortunately a reflection of who you lay down with (Real talk. Don’t judge me!)
Conclusion:
The previous two case scenarios eloquently illustrates my initial premise in the art of “hitting it”, “getting the drawers”, “smashing it”, or whatever the hell you want to call it. In case scenario #1 (Mark), he underestimated a woman’s cunning and need for love and affection. Although he was able to give that to her for their impromptu weekend together (allegedly), he neglected to accurately measure the importance that her husband plays in her life. Yes – her husband! He ignored industry rule # 27 (Section 3, paragraph 4) which reads: “NEVER CATCH FEELINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE ONE YOU ARE WITH ALREADY HAS A PARTNER! Hopefully this poor sucka won’t take this rule for granted ever again. Something tells me he will ‘cause he goes out in public and gets “mani-pedis”! In case scenario #2 (Lashonda), she neglected to take her partner’s assertiveness and borderline pathological pursuit of punanny (I call it the “3 P’s!) serious. This guy was (and is) a prime example of what it means to go out and get what you want. And after all – isn’t that the American dream?! HEY MY READERS OUT THERE -DON’T HATE THE PLAYER PEOPLE…. HATE THE GAME!
This “game” as we know it is a game of war. Don’t minimize it for anything less. If the game is played correctly, you will reap unimaginable rewards for your hard work and diligence. But if you underestimate it’s potential for payback, you’re a** will be a re-occuring case example like the ones above. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
David L.’s final comments: This article is in loving memory of my brother from another mother, “Dre 5000” who passed away prematurely a couple of years ago. Shortly before his passing, my boy aptly titled a future book of mine (that will eventually be my first leap into non-fiction books) with the title for this article. So for that – this article is dedicated to you homey. Never 4gotten. Always remembered.
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David L. is the award-winning author & publisher of 4 novels: Over Your Dead Body, My Life Is A Movie, Chalk Outline Confessions: The Remix & Represent. All are available for purchase on his official author website at: www.totalpackagepublications.com, via E-book (Kindle & Nook) and select bookstores everywhere. Email David L. at: contacttpp@totalpackagepublications.com. Follow David L. on Twitter at: www.twitter.com/almightydavidl; and on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/theauthordavidl.
10 comments:
So the question I have for you is can I hit it in the morning?
great article.
Rule #1 don't catch feelings when you are the side chic!! Know your role!
Interesting blog. I try to always say some or most and not all whenever talking about anyone.
There was no real expectations outside of copulation! In both cases each person knows the risk when laying down with someone, whether married or preyed upon, that if it GOES DOWN u risk gettn played or heart broken. Fuck at ya own risk. Get in where u fit in or stay in ya lane. Why fuck a married person knowing u will never have them cuz ur jus a piece of skin and why go out ya way to sex someone that's not on ya level? Loneliness desperation n plain ol stupidity.
I agree that in scenario#1 he was the idiot fir thinking that he could run the race with her husband! she has in-house d$#k so why he thought that was a winner is beyond me. I can't think of a reason to cheat on my husband but that surely wouldn't be the reason. Scenario#2 was a blond moment... we all know the game it remains the same- only the players change
first scenario: I don't see nothing wrong with getting a pedi or mani but that's something that he should've kept his self. she's just wanted to try other dick. Now that she seen that he wasnt working with nothing she move on to the next piece. feel they both got what they wanted they lucky didn't get no kind of disease process
scenario 2do sound like he was trying to be a pimp I'm loud ass clothes he had on so he got his few nuts from her well I on that note would had made dude by my a drink and had small talk with him and got on now you giving him you number knowing he was going to call you. well all I have to protect yourself
People never cease to amaze me when they seek "advice" or "counsel" for something in which they already know the answer. In both scenarios, each party knew exactly what they were getting into when they offered themselves sexually to people who could not and would not be responsible for their emotional or spiritual well-being. Now, if the intention was just to "hit it" or "get it in" and that was merely all it was, why question it? In other words, WHY ASK WHY? You don't need advice about what you already know is wrong. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a damn duck! It is what it is. Why seek anything outside of sexual pleasure when you A)met the "dog" in the club or B)considered someone's wife as your conquest. This should have been a "silent act of indiscretion." One that should be contemplated and mulled over again and again...in their minds! You know when you've "got got." You don't need confirmation.
Well Problem one played himself because he was enjoying on what the female was doing for him......and its always taboo to dip in someone elses honey what did he expect roses at work the next day . ? She probably regretted doing the nasty with Mr Coworker and tried to forget the weekends clandestine meeting
Problem two...not only did she play herself he probably was from out of town with the only suit on that his babies mova( ebonics ) purchased for him. He split and cohit..
Wow, those two scenarios really set it off! I just don't quite understand scenario #1. Why would you go all out on a woman who is MARRIED?? They are both dead wrong for that and he got what he deserved.
As for scenario #2, I'm not for sure what to make of it. The guy was really pushy until she gave in, but if a guy was that pushy and nerve-wrecking, I would've kept it moving. Guess you got to live and learn!
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