Can I Hit It In The Morning?! Pt. V: Blame It On The Alcohol?

DAVID L. PRESENTS:
CAN I HIT IT IN THE MORNING?! VOL. V:
BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL?

Column Synopsis: A random and unbiased perspective of what is relevant in the world today – as seen through the eyes of yours truly, David L. A column not to be duplicated… but to be emulated. Because after all, groundbreaking material does not come around every day. A comprehensive “no holds barred” opinion on current social events of utmost importance. A Q&A with random readers with answers posted to include hints, tips and breakthrough ideas into either getting through life – and/or surviving it! In conclusion – a breakthrough column to for the ages… none before me. None after my departure. ‘Nuff said.

Wassup skeezers and bustas. It's ya boy David L. with another Can I Hit It... banger for yo' a**! This installment focuses on the effects of liquor as it relates to whether or not alcohol truly dictates your ability to navigate your reasoning skills when it comes to laying down with your next potential conquest. We're not gonna pull out the Surgeon General's opinion on this debate and we're not gonna Google the maladaptive and sedative side effects of the "tonic" to prove a point. As usual, more females responded that males (because by nature, males are bi**h a** suckas that don't support their own but that's a story for a different day). We'll save that for those immersed in the medical field and instead have some fun. Some say it definitely does... and some say nay. But either way - it's a controversial topic that must (and will) be addressed once and for all RIGHT NOW!

It is a widely known fact that alcohol effects everyone in a variety of ways and everyone's tolerance is also as varied as one's behavior. There are also those that after a night of "lust" and "fornication" will seek every excuse in the book for why they did what they did, and many

an individual will subscribe to their reasoning as to why they ended up doing whatever it is they felt they wouldn't have done if not for the inclusion of alcohol. Here are some of the most popular excuses:
"I don't know how I passed out. I've had alot on my mind recently. I haven't been myself."
"I told you I can't mix dark and clear liquor."
"I didn't eat anything all day."
And my favorite all time excuse...
"I think someone slipped something in my drink. That's never happened to me before."
So does the ingestion of alcohol turn a "5" into a "9.5"? Or how about a "6" into a "7.5"? And what about the "strobe light honey" syndrome? You know how it goes: you're in the club (under the mystical lights and hypnotizing music) dancing up a sweat and several hours (and drinks) later after the club lights turn on and it's time for everyone to take their drunk a**es home, you come to the realization that the person you were dancing with to one of Jay-Z's bangers, is not all they are cracked up to be. Under the lights, you didn't notice the chipped teeth, the lazy eye, or the down-syndrome look on their face as they ask for your phone number or invite you out to the local IHOP for a bite to eat and very possibly, some extracurricular activities that involve rolling around under the covers soon thereafter.

And then you have the different types of drinkers. Those individuals who may or may not be able to handle their liquor, but their mannerisms changed for the worse. And usually - at the worst possible of moments. For the sake of argument, I will post the most glaring of examples in no particular order:
1. The "Angry" drunk. Most often evident in males. They want to fight the world and "getting a**" is usually the last thing on their mind. The only thing they want to "hit" is another human being! Also happens in females but not as often. Be especially cautious with angry females because by nature, they are much more dangerous and volatile than any other living creature known to mankind!
2. The "Clown" drunk. This is the fun-loving person. The life of the party. The person most likely to put a lampshade on their head and dance around the room with an imaginary partner or swing comically from a chandelier. Often harmless, this person may or may not be an introvert in "real life" but the effects of liquor turned them temporarily into a "party animal".
3. The "Pass out" drunk. Self explanatory. This individual will be knocked out before the party is over so most likely, they will not be "hitting any skins" with the opposite sex. Their semi-lifeless body slumped over the toilet, praying to that porcelain "GOD" and swearing to themselves and anyone that will listen the next morning that they will never drink again, simultaneously nursing a hangover. Especially dangerous for the female persuasion for obvious reasons. Ladies, you're going to f**k around and you may wake up the next morning with a d**k in your mouth. Don't say I didn't warn you!
4. The "Flirt" drunk. Most individuals fall into this category... and for good reason. This should be the main reason to indulge in the mercurial world of liquor in the first place. Simply put - to have a good time and embrace your otherwise limited inhibitions. Unfortunately, sometimes our actions goes too far and some of us over-indulge in the art of flirting in which there is no coming back. Depending on the quantity and type of liquor, it could conceivably be the difference between harmless flirting and outright intercourse.

So now that I've layed the "foundation"... let me as eloquently as possible prove the critics wrong and make my point as humbly as only I can. Let's hear it from some of the readers:
"Majority of people know that the first thirty seconds of meeting a person dictates whether or not they want to meet between the sheets. I believe that liquor can enhance those thirsts, but it definitely wouldn't be the only reason for copulation. However, I control my liquor, not the other way around."
Veronica B., Philadelphia, PA

"When I was in the Marine Corps and would go out with other Marines to the club, when it was my turn to take the undesirable woman in a group of women we met, I would make them buy me drinks until she became desirable to me."
Benjamin P., New Orleans, LA

"Hell yeah alcohol makes the difference between whether or not I want to hit something during "booty call" hours or not! It's like a blind fold of sorts and the more liquor involved, the easier to sleep with someone I normally wouldn't sleep with!"
Donovan H., Brooklyn, NY

"I'm not even gonna lie. I've been the victim of a few situations in which I had a little too much to drink and ended up wondering to myself the next morning why I let dude get inside my pants. Not sure if there was some type of subconscious desire to get with them, but looking back - i don't think so. I think I just had too much to drink and my inhibitions got the best of me."
Sandra J., Glenburnie, MD

"I have experienced getting the drawers of women who I have filled with Jose Cuervo and they became a little more friendly and a little more accepting... even straight women. They are the easiest. Most of my friends are straight so it doesn't take much to feel them up 'cause they are used to being around me. A few drinks and boom bam pow! A task easily done... or shall I say undone."
Felicia B., Bridgeport, CT.

In conclusion, liquor is a deterrent to outright logic and when abused in excess, can and will mean the difference between who you wake up to the following morning. And even more importantly, if laying down with that individual was through a clear mind - or through clouded judgement. Even those aforementioned individuals that left their comments above need to keep in mind that any action made at the expense of impaired reasoning will outright effect what they would/would not normally do in similar situations. Consequently, most individuals are already in denial anyway so nothing short of a miraculous revelation into their shortcomings is going to change anything. Moderation is the key here. When under the influence, moderation goes out the window and excess becomes the cousin of gluttony. Even as it relates to doing something one will conceivably resent. The best course of action: have a designated driver... someone who is going to outright "cock block" at any given opportunity or better yet - stay yo' a** home if you can't handle your liquor. This has been a public service announcement by the one and only David L. Take it as you want... And see y'all in my next installment of Can I Hit It In The Morning?!...
I NEED TO GO FIX ME A DRINK!
Peace.
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David L. is the award-winning author & publisher of 4 novels: Over Your Dead Body, My Life Is A Movie, Chalk Outline Confessions: The Remix & Represent. All are available for purchase on his official author website at: www.totalpackagepublications.com, via E-book (Kindle & Nook) and select bookstores everywhere. Email David L. at: contacttpp@totalpackagepublications.com. Follow David L. on Twitter at: www.twitter.com/almightydavidl; and on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/theauthordavidl.
Previous Can I Hit It In The Morning?! Series by David L. can also be found on his author blog at: totalpackagepublications.blogspot.com.